Narcissism involves a person having an obsessive interest in themselves. They often display an exaggerated sense of self-importance and require others to admire them.
Narcissists believe they are better than everyone around them, which warps their relationships. Someone can simply have narcissistic traits, or they can be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).
Narcissists are egotistic people that think little of others. They care mostly about their own needs and want others to take care of them.
Relationships with narcissists are difficult because they will take advantage of you. They don’t actually care about your wants and needs, but what you can do for them.
True narcissists have no ability to understand how other people feel. They will have a difficult time maintaining relationships because of this.
10 Tips to Deal with a Narcissist Like a BOSS
1. Identify Your Triggers
One of the best things you can do when dealing with a narcissist is identify your triggers. Triggers are what cause you to feel angry, sad, or defensive.
The narcissist will say or do something that ignites a fire within you. Your triggers look different for everyone, but here are some steps to help you find yours.
Pay Attention
The first step to finding your triggers is awareness. Be aware of what the narcissist says or does that makes you upset.
It can help to write down the times you spend with this person and how you feel after.
Once you become aware of the uncomfortable feeling you experience, pinpoint what caused you to feel this way.
For example, you may notice a pit in your stomach every time Bill insults you. Your trigger would be insults.
From here on out, when Bill tries to insult you, you’ll know why you feel upset and can react accordingly.
Take Control
Knowing your triggers allows you to have control over how you react. Instead of blowing up in anger, you have the power to change your reaction.
You can take a step back and calmly let the narcissist know how their behavior affects you.
This will allow you to slowly gain more confidence when you’re around the narcissist.
Read also: How Narcissists Apologize
2. Set Boundaries
Setting boundaries with a narcissist can be difficult. A boundary is a rule you set for how you will and will not be treated.
Establishing a clear boundary will allow you to protect yourself while you are around the narcissist.
How to Set Boundaries
The best way to set a boundary is by knowing your limits. What are you willing to tolerate? Write down some situations that make you feel uncomfortable.
An example of a boundary you can set for the narcissist is:
“I feel disrespected when you insult me. I would like you to treat me with more respect.”
See how simple that was? Don’t complicate the boundary, and you’ll have a greater chance of the narcissist accepting it.
Once you set the boundary, stand your ground. Narcissists will test you when you lay down the law.
If they continue making hurtful comments about your career, remind them that you expect respect.
“I understand you don’t agree with my career choice, but please be respectful.”
Read Also: 10 Positive Ideas to Make the World a Better Place
3. Communicate Assertively
Communicating with someone who has narcissistic traits can be tricky. You want to stand up for yourself while still being respectful.
Aggressive communication can cause the narcissist to turn defensive and cause more conflict.
Assertive communication is the best way to speak up for yourself while still keeping the conversation respectful.
Tips to Communicate Assertively
Use “I” Statements
Using “I” statements can help you communicate better with the narcissist. This way, you can avoid blaming them and putting them on the defense.
“For example, say, I feel unheard when you interrupt me.”
Use Active Listening
Another way to communicate better is by using active listening. This means paraphrasing what they say so they know you’re listening.
“What I’m hearing is… Is that correct?”
Set a boundary
Let the narcissist know your limits and stick to them. You can say something like:
“I want to discuss this problem with you, but I will not tolerate you yelling.”
Make sure to maintain good eye contact and stay calm while communicating with the narcissist.
Read Also: What are Critical Thinking Skills and why are they Important?
5. Don’t Take It Personal
It’s easy to feel attacked or belittled when you’re around a narcissist. But you have to remember that what they are saying doesn’t define you.
Narcissists put other people down to lift themselves up. They have no problem making others feel worthless because it makes them feel powerful.
Reminding yourself that the narcissist is only focused on themselves will help you not take things so personal.
The next time your spouse tries to make you feel inferior, remind yourself that his problems lie within himself.
6. Remain Calm
When you are around a narcissist, you may feel the urge to react. They know how to push your buttons, which is why it’s important to stay calm.
The better way to deal with any situation is by breathing. Take deep breaths in and out. This will allow you to clear your mind and reduce anxiety.
By steadying yourself, you project confidence, which the narcissist respects.
7. Disengage
Sometimes the best thing you can do when dealing with a narcissist is nothing at all. Engaging with a narcissist will only drain you mentally and emotionally.
If you know you will have a conversation with the narcissist, plan how you’re going to disengage when things get too far.
Excuse yourself from the conversation or change the subject. This will allow you to avoid further drama.
For example, let’s say your boyfriend keeps talking about how great he is at golfing. All you want to do is rip his golf skills a new one, but don’t!
Remember to disengage and walk away. You could say something like, “Oh cool, I’ll have to see you guys play sometime.”
Examples of Disengaging:
You go to your mom’s house for dinner, and she starts complaining about your father.
You excuse yourself to use the restroom and avoid the drama.
Your coworker Bill keeps bragging about his new promotion.
You change the subject by saying, “That’s great, Bill! How about that game last night?”
Practice limiting yourself around the narcissist, and you’ll feel less stressed.
Read Also: 20 Fun and Creative Ways to Treat Yourself After a Tough Day
8. Seek Outside Support
Don’t be afraid to lean on others when dealing with a narcissist. Your friends and family can help you better understand and handle certain situations.
Talking to someone can help you gain more clarity on the situation, and you’re not alone. Oftentimes we assume that we’re the only ones going through certain problems.
Surrounding yourself with positive people will only help you feel better about yourself. If you have a positive support system, the narcissist won’t be able to affect you as much.
Seeking professional help is another great way to deal with a narcissist. A therapist can help you better understand your feelings and how to control them.
Your therapist can also help you figure out ways to deal with specific situations that you’re faced with.
9. Know When to Walk Away
Knowing when to walk away from a narcissist can be difficult. You want to believe that they will change, but they probably won’t.
Here are some signs that it’s time to cut your losses:
You constantly question your self-worth. Narcissists will make you feel ugly, stupid, fat, and anything else they can think of.
Your partner gaslights you and makes you feel crazy. If he constantly tells you that your feelings are irrational, then it’s time to walk away.
He will try to control you by guilt-tripping you or blaming you for things that you’re not responsible for.
Every time you two try to talk about a problem, it turns into a big argument. Arguing with a narcissist is pointless because there will be no resolution.
Your mental health is suffering from constantly being around him. If you ever feel anxious or depressed after seeing the narcissist, it’s time to leave him alone.
If you decide to walk away from the narcissist, make sure you set a boundary. Don’t allow yourself to get into a big discussion with him about your decision to part ways.
You want as little contact as possible with the narcissist. The less you have to deal with them, the better you’ll feel.
10. Pick Your Battles
Picking your battles with a narcissist is essential. You’ll find that they will never admit when they are wrong.
Constantly arguing with your partner will only drain you, so pick your battles wisely.
Save your energy for when things actually matter to you. Let the small arguments slide and focus on the bigger problems.
When you do decide to stand your ground, stay grounded. Don’t let your emotions get the best of you.
Remain factual when explaining your point of view.
Conclusion
Hopefully these tips will help you deal with a narcissist like a BOSS! All of these tips are trial and error; you just have to figure out what works best for you.
You’ll get better at handling yourself around the narcissist with practice. Every time you face a narcissist, you learn something new about yourself.
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