“Nick, I don’t get it. We’ve been dating for over a year. One minute everything is fine and we’re happy, the next he’s being distant and snippy. How can you tell when a guy is just done?”
It was the day my buddy called me completely baffled by her boyfriend’s behavior. Ever since then, that question has haunted me because men are idiots. Jk! I mean… truthfully, these types of behaviors are pretty predictable.
Men don’t just come out and say, “Hey babe, I want to break up with you.” Oh no. Instead, they…
Pull all these crappy stunts that subtly (& not so subtly) let you know they want out.
They hurt your feelings, piss you off, and leave you emotionally confused wondering what the hell is going on. If you can identify these behaviors early on, you can save yourself a lot of heartache.
Let’s go over 8 crappy things men do when they want to break up.
1. They Immediately Pull Away and Become Distant
Distance is probably the biggest and most recognizable sign he wants to break up. He will:
- Not call or text you as much
- Avoid spending quality time with you
- Act emotionally unavailable
I’m not talking about one crappy day where he had a lot on his mind. I’m talking about a pattern of him pulling away from you consistently.
When a man who used to call and text all day stops cold turkey because he’s lost interest, you know something is up.
Read also: How to Stop Cheating on Your Husband
2. They’re Suddenly Easily Annoyed by Everything You Do
Ever notice how guys seem to take deep offense at everything you do once they want to break up?
Small typo at work? Accused of being grossly incompetent.
Can’t decide what movie to watch? Who does she think she is anyway?
Does he suddenly seem irritated by everything you say or do? Congratulations. He wants out.
Instead of telling you he wants to break up, he has decided the best course of action is to rip you a new one about every little thing you do.
Read also: 10 Ways People Get Away With Cheating
3. They Stop Making Plans for the Future
This one is huge. Couples in love make plans for their future together. When he stops including you in his plans, you better take notice.
He avoids talking about:
- Vacations
- Fun events
- Holidays
- Your long-term goals and dreams
He will say things like, “Let’s see what happens” instead of locking things in. If he’s making plans with you for next weekend, but not for next month or next year – he’s likely checked out.
Planning your future together is a way of emotionally investing in your relationship. Stop doing that, and he’s preparing for the end.
Read also: 10 Signs You Truly Love Someone
4. They Shut Down When You Ask About Your Relationship
Want proof that he wants to break up? See if he avoids answering questions or talking about the relationship.
Does he seem avoidant when you ask how things are going? You’ll know by his body language.
He may say something like, “We’re fine,” but when you press he:
- Changes the subject
- Throws out a short answer with no explanation
- Avoids eye contact
Men who are trying to break up with you will evade questions about your relationship at all costs. They want you in the dark, confused, and waiting for them to eventually come around and apologize.
He’ll leave you wondering what you possibly did wrong up until the day he dumps you.
5. They Suddenly Become Secretive About Their Phone and Social Life
Guys tend to be more secretive when they know they want to break up. The goal? Avoid commitment and accountability for as long as possible.
- Hides his phone from you if you walk by
- Checks social media stealthily when you’re around
- Avoids telling you where he is going if he knows you don’t approve
Anything he can do to create distance and avoid answering to you – he will.
6. They Flirt With Other Girls or Act Interested in Others
Nothing like wanting to break up with your girlfriend but also feeling the need to flirt with other women at the same time.
Seen it happen one too many times myself. Bruh, don’t do this to women!
When a guy is looking for validation outside of his relationship he may:
- Hit up old girlfriends for attention
- Flirt with women when YOU’re around
- Spend extra time on Tinder
- Make comparisons to other girls
Yes, it’s immature and wrong – but it’s common.
7. They Stop Putting Effort Into the Relationship
One of the biggest signs he wants to break up is he no longer puts effort into the relationship. He will:
- Stop going out of his way to make you smile
- Stop doing the little things that you enjoy
- Stop trying to understand your emotional needs
Lack of effort equals lack of commitment. Plain and simple. If he was willing to work at the relationship, things would be different.
When a man checks out, you know it. He suddenly loses interest in the things you used to love doing together.
8. They Give Mixed Signals About Their Feelings
Last but not least… One sure-fire way to confuse the hell out of someone is to give them mixed signals about how you feel.
“I care about you, but I’m not ready for a relationship.”
“I love you and want to be with you… but we need to take a break.”
These types of phrases are damaging because you don’t know what the hell is going on. He wants you to question yourself, but NOT enough to actually commit.
Men who are trying to figure out how to break up with you will do whatever they can to avoid dealing with your emotions. That includes giving you hope while leading you on.
How Men Typically Give Their Partners the Birds
Now you know the ugly truth. Men rarely come out and plainly tell their partners they want to break up.
If he really wants to hurt your feelings and break your heart, he will resort back to these tactics of guilty indifference.
Distance, avoiding communication, blowing up over every little thing you say or do, and playing mind games with your emotions. It’s a sad way of breaking up with someone, but it happens more often than you think.
Knowledge is power. The sooner you can identify these patterns, the better off you’ll be when faced with this situation yourself.
Don’t blame yourself next time a man you care about dumps you out of nowhere. Accept that he is behaving selfishly, call him out on his behavior, and promise to NEVER allow a man to treat you that way again.
It’s not your fault he’s immature.
FAQ
Q: Couldn’t some of these signs mean he’s just busy or stressed at work?
A: Sure they could. But if you see several of these signs all coming together in patterns, he’s probably lost interest.
Q: What should I do if I recognize these behaviors in my boyfriend?
A: Take notes. There’s a difference between cheating on you and just being physically attracted to another woman.
However, if he’s exhibiting several of these behaviors, he’s probably checking out emotionally.
Q: Is it possible for a man to stop doing these things and get back together with his ex?
A: Of course! But only if he truly commits to her 100%. No more going back and forth about his feelings.
Q: How can I tell if these are just rocky patches in a relationship or if he really wants to break up?
A: You’ll know by the consistency of his actions. Is he stressed at work and happens to be short with you? Sure.
Does he do this day in and day out? That’s when you know he’s lost interest.
Q: If my boyfriend does these things, is it worth fighting for him?
A: Only if he’s willing to communicate, work on his issues, and change his behavior for the better.
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