Forgiveness don’t come easy. For a long time, I didn’t understand what forgiveness truly meant. I thought forgiveness was telling someone, “It’s alright.” How naive I was! Forgiveness is deeper than that.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting. And forgiving someone doesn’t mean that what they did to you wasn’t wrong. When you forgive someone, you release the hold that pain has on you. And the most difficult part…
You have to learn to forgive sometimes even when that person will never utter the words, “I’m sorry.”
You might be holding onto something you think you can’t forgive. But letting go will set you free. Here are five ways to forgive someone wholeheartedly.
5 Tips on How to Forgive Someone Wholeheartedly
1. Know the Real Definition of Forgiveness
Forgiveness starts with knowing what forgiveness is – and what it isn’t. A lot of people believe forgiveness is pretending like nothing bad happened. It’s not. You don’t have to forgive and forget what they did. Nor do you have to excuse their behavior, as explained by the Mayo Clinic.
Forgiveness is you choosing to not let that pain control you any longer.
You can still remember what that person did. But when a memory arises, you won’t use it to foster anger or stew in bitterness. Trust me, forgiving someone is not a sign of weakness. In fact, it’s quite the opposite.
It takes strength to look pain in the eye and choose to let it go.
Studies have proven that forgiveness can lead to a healthier mind and body. The American Psychological Association says that people who forgive tend to have:
- Lower levels of anxiety, stress, and depression
- Higher levels of self-esteem
- More enjoyment of life
- Improved mental health
- Lower blood pressure
- Better immune system functioning
When you realize forgiveness is about your own well-being and not about letting someone off easy, it becomes much easier to forgive.
You can’t undo what that person did, but you can decide not to let it destroy your future.
Read also: How to Forgive Someone Who Isn’t Sorry – 7 Guide
2. Allow Yourself to Feel Your Feelings
If you’re holding in how you feel, you can’t forgive. Bottling up your emotions will only cause you more pain. Allow yourself to feel anger, sadness, hurt, and disappointment. It’s okay to feel these feelings without beating yourself up about it.
Letting your emotions out is the first step to forgiveness. I know it hurts to feel everything you feel all at once. But denying how you feel keeps you imprisoned in your anger.
Some people want to hold onto their anger because they feel like it protects them. But the truth is your anger hurts you more than it hurts them.
Process how you feel by either talking to someone you trust, writing down how you feel, or simply allowing yourself to feel these emotions without judgment. You’ll know you’re ready to forgive when you can understand why you felt hurt.
Read also: How to Forget Bad Memories – 5 Tips
Remember forgiving doesn’t mean that what they did wasn’t painful. It just means that you no longer allow the pain to control you.
3. Remember That They’re Human Too
One thing that makes forgiveness so difficult is forgetting that the person who wronged you is human too. Easier said than done, I know. When someone hurts us, we only see that moment and what they did. Forgiveness is being able to look past the hurtful situation and recognize them as a human being.
This doesn’t mean what they did is okay. Nor does it mean that you just pretend they didn’t do anything wrong.
Looking at the situation from a human standpoint allows you to empathize. What does that mean? Empathy means putting yourself in their shoes. Now, you don’t have to allow that person back into your life. But when you realize that everyone is fighting some sort of battle, you can forgive easier.
People don’t always know how to properly express how they feel. Someone can be angry because of their own hurt, fear, ignorance, or weakness.
They could’ve been malicious in their actions towards you, but cruelty is usually more complicated than you may think.
HumanitarianBu says a lack of compassion can make forgiveness impossible. You don’t have to reconcile with that person, but allowing compassion to enter your heart can help you forgive.
Read also: 10 Effective Emotional Resilience Activities
4. Forgive Them Whether They Apologize or Not
A lot of people struggle to forgive because they want the other person to simply say “I’m sorry.” You might think you can’t forgive that person unless they apologize to you. But what happens when they won’t apologize? What happens when they keep denying they ever hurt you at all?
If you’ve chosen not to forgive until they apologize, you’ve lost control of your ability to forgive. True forgiveness is forgiving that person whether they apologize or not.
Reconciliation is important, but you shouldn’t let someone else’s actions dictate if you can find peace.
The Annals of Behavioral Medicine showed that unconditional forgiveness leads to:
- Less perceived stress
- Better mental health
Forgiving someone whether they ask for it or not allows you to heal on your own time.
5. Decide Every Day That You Want To Let Go
Forgiveness is a process, not a one-time deal. You’ll have days where the pain feels like it’s consuming you all over again. And that’s okay! The key is you decide every day that you want to let go.
You will remember what they did, but you won’t let those memories control you. Letting go allows you to focus on what you want your life to look like moving forward.
Whenever those thoughts try to creep up on you, release them and choose peace.
Conclusion
Forgiveness takes time. Little by little, that pain you’re holding onto will begin to fade. One day it will no longer control you. Remember, forgiving someone doesn’t mean that what they did was alright.
Forgiving someone also doesn’t mean you have to allow that person back into your life. When you forgive someone, you are giving yourself the ultimate gift of peace over anger.
Frequently Asked Questions
1. Does forgiveness mean forgetting what happened?
No. Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting.
2. Does forgiving someone mean what they did wasn’t wrong?
No. Forgiving someone doesn’t mean that what they did to you wasn’t wrong.
3. What if they never say “I’m sorry”?
You have to learn to forgive sometimes even when that person will never utter the words, “I’m sorry.”
4. Do I have to let someone back into my life if I forgive them?
No. Forgiving someone doesn’t mean you have to allow that person back into your life.
5. Is forgiveness a one-time decision?
No. Forgiveness is a process, not a one-time deal.
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