Self-kindness is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself. It’s not selfish, it’s not lazy, and it’s definitely not soft. Self-kindness is how you’d treat someone you loved and cared about… like you would a friend.
When you practice self-kindness, you allow yourself to feel stronger on the inside—during hard times, when you screw up, and when you feel beaten down. You give yourself the ability to heal, grow, and move forward.
We’re taught from a young age that we should be hard on ourselves. We worry that if we aren’t harsh with ourselves, we’ll become weak or lazy. But self-kindness doesn’t make you any of those things. Research proves that self-compassionate people are more motivated, resilient, and less anxious or depressed. There are three main parts to self-compassion—only one of which is self-kindness. Read about self-compassion and Dr. Kristin Neff (the leading researcher on self-compassion) here.
Wondering how to actually be kind to yourself? Self-kindness is more than saying nice things to yourself. It’s practicing kindness toward yourself every day by creating habits of patience, care, and tenderness. These acts don’t have to be big and time-consuming. You can do little things, lots of days.
Here are 20 Ways to Practice Self-Kindness:
- Practice Respectful Self-Talk
Notice your inner dialogue. Are you speaking harshly or critically to yourself? Try to shift your thinking and speak to yourself like you would to a friend who was struggling. You can talk to yourself with the same respect and kindness that you would offer anyone else. Your thoughts matter. - Allow Yourself to Take Breaks
You don’t need to be busy every minute of the day. Taking breaks is not lazy—it’s caring about yourself. Allow yourself five minutes to sit down and relax. Drink some water, stretch, or take five minutes of silence. Little breaks like these can rejuvenate your mind and body.
read also: 100 Secrets to Eternal Happiness
- Let Go of “Perfect”
Trying to be perfect all of the time will drain and exhaust you. One of the many qualities of self-kindness is allowing yourself to be human. You’re not meant to do everything perfectly. You will screw up, and that is okay! Everyone does—it doesn’t mean you’re a failure. - Forgive Yourself
Everyone makes mistakes. But part of being kind to yourself is forgiving yourself and letting go. Tell yourself, “I did the best I could, given what I knew at the time.” And then allow yourself to let it go. Deep breath…
read also: 9 Ways You Are Sabotaging Your Happiness
- Ask for Help
Sometimes, we all need help. Whether it’s emotional support or help completing a task. Asking for help is not weak—it’s strong. Allowing someone else to support you is an act of self-kindness. - Allow Yourself to Feel
Allow yourself to feel all of your emotions. It’s okay to feel sad, mad, scared, upset, or disappointed. If you’re feeling something, let yourself feel it. Sit with your emotions. Cry if you need to. Or scream. Or take deep breaths. Whatever you need to do to just LET. IT. OUT. - Treat Your Body with Kindness
Self-kindness extends to how you treat your body as well. You don’t have to be perfect—try to eat balanced so your body feels supported. Drink water, get enough sleep, and move your body in ways that feel good. These small things tell your body you care. - Say NO, guilt.
You cannot please everyone. If something doesn’t serve you or makes you drained, saying no means saying yes to your peace of mind. Remember, you don’t need to explain yourself to anyone. Saying no is not rude, it’s healthy. - Allow Yourself Small Moments of Joy
You don’t have to spend money to be happy. Allow yourself small joys, even if your situation is less than ideal. Play your favorite song. Watch a silly TV show. Sit in the sun and listen to the birds. Joy doesn’t have to be big and grand. Tiny moments of happiness can change your day. - Slow Down.
Life can be hectic. Sometimes the kindest thing you can do for yourself is simply to slow down. Don’t rush through your days. Walk slower. Eat slower. Really look at your surroundings. When you allow yourself to slow down, you give yourself space to breathe. - Accept Compliments
When someone gives you a compliment, allow yourself to accept it. Don’t fight it off. Say “thank you” and accept the good words. Remember, allowing other people to be kind to you is also being kind to yourself. - Pay Attention to What’s Going Right
Too often we focus on what we’re lacking or what’s going wrong. Make a conscious effort to notice what is going right. Did you make it through another day? That’s good enough for today. Did you feed yourself healthy food? Great! You’re showing up for yourself, and that’s something to celebrate. Notice your small victories. - Make Time for the Things You Love
Don’t fill your entire day with things you HAVE to do. Allow yourself time to do the things you LOVE. Pick up a book, listen to music, take a walk, paint, or do whatever feeds your soul. - Eliminate Things That Bring You Down
Whether it’s a person, the news, or social media. If you know that spending time with certain things or people makes you feel crappy about yourself, step back. Guard your mind and heart—that’s also self-kindness. You get to choose what you allow to penetrate your mind. - Practice Gratitude
Taking time out of your day to be grateful can help uplift your mood. It forces you to focus on the good things in your life, instead of what isn’t working. Gratitude can be as simple as one or two things you’re thankful for that day. Maybe you’re thankful for your health, a kind word someone said to you, or a happy moment you shared with a friend. Check out these proven mental health benefits of gratitude from Harvard Health. - Allow Yourself to Start Over
Sometimes life happens. You don’t always get to stick to your plans. You might miss a goal or say something hurtful. You forgot to eat breakfast or lunch. Don’t punish yourself—start over. Tomorrow is another chance for you to begin again. You don’t have to get it perfect—the perfect moment will come when you’re ready. - Don’t Compare Your Journey to Others
Remember, you are NOT in a race with everyone else. You are on your own journey and path. You might be growing at a slow rate, and that’s okay! Part of being kind to yourself is respecting your own path. - Reflect on Your Week Without Judgement
At the end of each week, take some time to reflect on the past week. Journal what you noticed. What went well? What was hard? What did you learn? Reflecting helps you grow in a gentle way. - Do One Thing For YOU Each Day
Give yourself one small act of self-kindness each day. Take a walk, enjoy a cup of tea, take five minutes to sit in silence. Whatever you choose to do—make sure it’s something you’re doing for YOU. - Love Yourself Like You Love Others
You love others, right? You forgive them when they screw up. You cheer them on. You believe in them. And you notice their worth. Now imagine treating yourself the way you’d treat your friends and family. You are worth love, patience, and grace too.
Self-love isn’t something you practice once and call yourself done. Every day you wake up is another chance to love yourself. Some days will be better than others. And that’s okay. You might forget how to be kind to yourself too. But that doesn’t mean you fail—you just get to start back where you left off.
Self-kindness is powerful. It’s not always going to look like big gestures. Sometimes it’s looking at your situation and saying, “It’s okay. I’m doing the best I can.” Or it could be taking a deep breath. Maybe it’s allowing yourself five minutes of peace.
Start simple and build self-kindness into your daily routine. Let kind become the voice inside your head that tells you:
“You are enough.”
“You matter.”
“You are human.”
And remember…that’s all you NEED to be.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is self-kindness?
Self-kindness is treating yourself with patience, care, and understanding, especially during difficult moments or after making mistakes.
Is self-kindness the same as being lazy or selfish?
No. Self-kindness is about supporting your well-being so you can heal, grow, and move forward, not avoiding responsibility.
How is self-kindness different from self-compassion?
Self-kindness is one part of self-compassion. Self-compassion also includes recognizing shared humanity and practicing mindfulness.
Can small acts of self-kindness really make a difference?
Yes. Small, consistent acts of kindness toward yourself can positively affect your mood, resilience, and overall mental health.
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