There was a conversation I had with a friend some time ago.
She was telling me about her boyfriend.
And at first, it really didn’t seem like anything she was saying was problematic.
He checked up on her all the time by texting her.
He wanted to know where she was.
He got jealous when other men spoke to her.
You could even argue that some may view those qualities as loving.
But as she continued to explain things, you could hear the discomfort in her voice.
She felt guilty when she would hang out with friends.
She constantly felt like she had to say the right thing.
And anytime they’d get into an argument, she always had to apologize to him… even if he was wrong.
That’s when it hit me.
This poor girl didn’t know any better.
SO many people mistake intensity for love.
Control for care. Jealousy for passion. Emotional abuse for them “just loving” her.
And if you don’t learn your tolerance, you could stay in a toxic relationship way too long.
Here’s the thing.
Toxic behavior doesn’t just come out of nowhere.
It starts with “little things.”
Maybe a comment here or there.
Or a request that makes you alter your behavior around them.
Slowly but surely, your confidence begins to shrink.
So if you’ve stumbled upon this article, you might be feeling that small voice inside your head telling you something just isn’t right.
You’ve probably told yourself it’s nothing.
Or that you are just overthinking things.
But what if you’re not?
What if your boyfriend is actually showing these 17 annoyingly obvious signs of a toxic boyfriend?
Let’s find out.
Click the pretty pink button below!
Let’s Break It Down…
17 Signs That Your Boyfriend Might Be Toxic (& Why You Shouldn’t Ignore Them)
Before you continue, you should know that emotional abuse can be very difficult to identify.
By nature, abusers and toxic partners often know exactly what they’re doing.
They know how to manipulate you with their words.
And worst of all, they know how to make you question yourself.
That’s why I want to take you through every single abusive trait a toxic boyfriend may exhibit.
I’ll explain how each one affects you and why you shouldn’t accept that behavior from anyone.
Ready?
1. He Constantly Attempts To Control You
Controlling behavior in a relationship is one of the biggest red flags.
It doesn’t always start with him trying to boss you around.
He may start small by asking you unnecessary questions about your day.
Or where you’re going that evening.
He might also try to control where you go if you are going out with friends.
Excuses like “I just care about you.”
“You’re my girlfriend. I want to know what you are doing.”
If he controls who you talk to, where you go, or how you live your life, he is NOT loving you. He is controlling you.
When your partner loves you, you should feel as though you could do anything you want. You should feel free.
If you ever feel like you have to watch what you say around your boyfriend or constantly change your behavior to avoid upsetting him,
that’s called controlling relationship behavior.
Read also: How to Make Boundaries – 10 Steps
2. He Makes You Feel Guilty All Of The Time
“I wish you would do this for me.”
“Why do you do that? If you loved me, you wouldn’t.”
“You are the reason I’m so upset right now.”
If you’ve heard any of these phrases before, STOP ACCEPTING EXCUSES FROM HIM.
Your boyfriend should never make you feel guilty for not knowing what he wants.
Or because you didn’t bend over backwards to fulfill his every need.
Using guilt to manipulate you into doing what he wants is emotional abuse.
A healthy boyfriend will express how he feels.
A toxic boyfriend will make you feel like you’re the one who did something wrong.
Read also: 8 Toxic Relationship Habits Most People Think Are Normal
3. He Is Super Jealous & Possessive
Jealousy is sexy on the big screen.
Or when you’re watching a relationship on Instagram.
But I promise you, it is NOT cute in real life.
I know it seems like a little insecurity.
Or he simply cares about you.
But when he sends you over a hundred texts asking where you are,
gets pissed because you went out with your friends,
or accuses you of flirting with every male that looks your way,
he’s not jealous. He’s obsessive.
Healthy partners trust each other.
Toxic boyfriends look for any excuse to make you think you shouldn’t trust him.
If you have to constantly reassure him that you will never cheat on him,
you might be in a toxic relationship.
Read also: 5 Ways to Love Yourself Based on Your Love Language
4. He Disregards Your Boundaries
Relationship boundaries are important.
They allow you to maintain your emotional space.
Your personal time.
And who you choose to be as an individual.
But toxic boyfriends don’t care about any of that.
When you set boundaries with them,
they will find every excuse under the sun to cross those boundaries.
You say you need some space to cool off, but he smashes your car with his hand.
You tell him you’re uncomfortable with that joke, but he rapes your feelings.
You tell him you don’t want to share something about yourself, but he convinces you to tell him anyway.
Healthy boundaries are essential for happy relationships.
Take the time to learn how to establish healthy relationship boundaries.
Click here to learn more.
5. He Always Finds A Way To Blame You
Remember how I said toxic people are masters at manipulation?
Here’s another prime example.
Notice how something NEVER happens without you being the cause?
“I’m upset? Must be something you said.”
“He yelled at the waiter? You MUST have done something to piss him off.”
“This boyfriend of yours is never wrong? YOU must have changed something he likes about you.”
The crazy thing is, he literally will find a way to manipulate every situation to his advantage.
Even if he’s 100% in the wrong, he will make you question your actions until you believe YOU are the problem.
People that refuse to accept accountability will never change.
If he can’t accept when he’s wrong, he will never better himself as a partner.
6. He Lies & Breaks Promises All The Time
You can try and put up with little white lies here and there.
But if he is constantly breaking promises to you,
or throwing his word in your face whenever you call him out…
that boy ain’t nothing but trouble.
Some things should never be compromised in a relationship.
Your trust is one of them.
If he lied about where he was yesterday,
he says he’ll clean his room but won’t…
but won’t DO SHIT WHEN YOU ASK HIM.
Then you better question if you can trust him with everything else.
Arguments about your boyfriend not keeping his word will only happen if you allow them to.
You are the controller of your relationships. ALWAYS!
7. He Insults You
Sometimes toxic boyfriends are sneaky with how they insult you.
They’ll say something hurtful to your feelings but then play it off by saying you’re too sensitive.
“You’re so ugly.”
“But you know I love you anyway, right? Haha.”
“You’re fucking stupid.”
“I would never say that because you’re my smart-ass girlfriend.”
“My ex was hotter than you.”
“You know she’s jealous of me because I have you.” INSERT POISSED FACE
Statements like these may seem harmless at first.
But the more a toxic boyfriend points out your flaws,
the more you’ll begin to hate yourself.
Constructive criticism is healthy.
But when it’s brought up at every opportunity, YOU SUCK.
Don’t let your significant other tear you down emotionally.
Click here to learn what emotional abuse in relationships looks like.
8. He Wants To Isolate You From Everyone Else
“Why are you hanging out with them every day? You never spend any time with me.”
“Don’t you think you hang out with your friends too much?”
“Your family is so stupid. I don’t know why you talk to them so much.”
If you’ve heard any of these things before, YOUR BOYFRIEND IS TRYING TO ISOLATE YOU FROM YOUR SUPPORT SYSTEM.
At first, he may sound like he’s just aggravated that you choose to spend time with them over him.
But the more he does it, the pattern will start to become clear.
The more he isolates you from the ones who love you,
the closer he can get to you and manipulate you how he wants.
Your friends and family are your support system for a reason.
They are there to help you stay grounded and realize when someone is manipulating you.
Don’t let someone take that away from you.
9. He Has Wild Anger Issues
We all get mad sometimes.
But you know your boyfriend is toxic when he throws the biggest fit over the smallest things.
He yells at you.
Breaks your stuff.
Hurts you emotionally.
Then kisses you all better and promises he will never do it again.
But the sad part is he will do it again.
You know WHY? Because he knows you will accept his apology no matter what he does to you.
You should NEVER be with someone who has anger issues that you cannot calm down.
If you have to walk on eggshells every time you talk to your boyfriend about something,
that’s abusive.
Click here to learn about emotional abuse in relationships.
10. He Gaslights You
“Hey babe, why are you crying?”
“Why would you say that?!”
“Are you serious right now?!”
“That’s not what I said!”
If you have been in a relationship with a boy that replies to texts like these,
he is guilt-tripping you.
A.k.a. gaslighting.
Gaslighting your girlfriend is a huge red flag.
Gaslighting is a technique used to manipulate you into believing that how you perceive things is wrong… when it’s truly him that’s wrong.
He will lie to you about the little things.
Make you question your memory.
Until you start questioning yourself.
Gaslighting your girlfriend is a form of emotional abuse.
Click here to learn more about gaslighting.
11. He Makes You Feel Like You Could Never Do Enough For Him
You do his laundry. He says you don’t care about him.
You spend time with him. He says you never pay attention to him.
You get him something to show him you care. He STILL finds something you did wrong.
There will NEVER be a time where you can do enough for a toxic boyfriend.
They will find something you did wrong every single day of your life if you let them.
Learning how to love yourself is the key to understanding why you deserve better.
12. He Violates Your Privacy
Checking up on your boyfriend every now and then is normal.
Making him give you your passwords because he “trusts you” is not.
Does he follow you around everywhere you go?
Does he check up on your social media every hour to see if you’ve been browsing “too much?”
He wants to control every part of your life.
Including the private parts you only want to share with him.
If you have to hide something from your boyfriend because you know he will use it against you…
you might want to rethink the relationship.
13. He Plays The Victim
“I can’t believe you’re being mad at me?!”
“I’m the only one who ever gets yelled at in this relationship!”
“Why do you swear you’re always right?”
Sound familiar?
Players know what they’re doing.
If he’s constantly making you feel like YOU are the bad guy every time he screws up,
he’s the problem.
But you’ll never know that because he wants you to feel sorry for him.
If he can make you feel guilty for laying down some much-needed criticism,
he can convince you of anything.
Click here to see what emotional abuse in relationships looks like.
14. He Is Emotionally Checked Out
You share your feelings with him and he shies away when you want to talk.
You want to work through your problems and he throws all the reasons why it won’t work at you.
You ask him how his day was and all he does is make you feel guilty for asking.
Emotions are like a two-way street.
If your boyfriend is emotionally checking out on you, chances are you are emotionally checking out on him too.
And that’s where the problem is…
It’s NOT okay.
If you notice your partner pulling away every time you try to spend quality time together,
that’s called emotional abuse.
Click here to learn about emotional abuse.
15. He Only Acts Like He Loves You When He Knows He Hurt Your Feelings
Does this sound familiar?
You do something that upsets him.
You apologize for your wrongdoings and he gives you the biggest hug and loving kiss.
For the next couple of days he is on his best behavior.
But then he slowly begins to do the same thing that upset you in the first place.
Welcome to the wonderful cycle of hurting your girlfriend and promising to never do it again.
If he didn’t mean those apologies, he wouldn’t keep repeating the same behaviors that hurt you.
Click here to learn the types of apologies that mean nothing.
16. You Feel Unhappy After Spending Time With Him
Does your stomach sink every time you have to see your boyfriend?
Do you feel more stressed when you’re with him than when you’re alone?
You should feel HAPPY when you’re with the person you love.
You shouldn’t feel drained and exhausted.
I know your brain tells you to stay with him because you love him.
But your body and mind know when something is toxic before your heart catches on.
If you have to constantly leave your boyfriend to clear your head,
then you might want to leave him before it drives you crazy.
17. Your Gut Tells You Something Is Off
You knew when you met him that he wasn’t going to be your “typical” boyfriend.
But you ignored all the red flags because he was different.
He showed you attention when no one else would.
He did EVERYTHING for you…
And you fell for it.
We often ignore the most obvious sign of trouble.
OURSELVES.
You know something is off when your boyfriend is around.
You just wish you could shake that feeling that he will hurt you.
But you stayed with him anyway because he promised he would never hurt you.
I know your heart is telling you to fight for him.
But your gut is telling you to let him go.
Your intuition is your guardian angel for a reason.
If it keeps telling you that your boyfriend is trouble,
then he IS trouble.
Conclusion
A toxic relationship won’t always start off as a toxic relationship.
They may seem loving at first.
Full of passion and lots of attention.
But as time progresses, bad habits slowly start to creep their way into your relationship.
Little comments here and there.
Controlling when you should be caring.
And disrespecting you when you should be lifting you up.
If you ignore these bad habits…
they will eventually tear you down.
And that’s what toxic people aim to do.
Take away your confidence, happiness, and soul.
So if you ever find yourself in a relationship with someone who exhibits these traits,
take a step back and reevaluate.
You don’t deserve to be with someone who brings you down.
You deserve to be with someone who respects you,
values you, and most of all makes you feel emotionally SAFE.
Anything less than that is not love.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)
Will a toxic boyfriend change?
Yes, of course he can change. But will he? If he has to learn how to change himself and doesn’t seek help too, probably not.
Is jealousy always bad in a relationship?
No. Some jealousy is normal. But when does jealousy turn into controlling your partner’s every move? WHEN IT STOPPED BEING ABOUT YOU!
Click here to learn ways to stop being jealous of your partner.
How do you deal with a toxic boyfriend?
Simply tell him how you feel, and if he continues his ways, then deal with him by leaving him.
Why do people stay in toxic relationships?
Because they let themselves! As soon as you allow that person to make you unhappy, YOU ARE STAYING IN THAT TOXIC RELATIONSHIP.
Save the pin for later
