I’ll never forget watching my friend experience one of the worst breakups of his life. He cried hysterically for days… then proceeded to do what most of us do in a situation like that.
He ripped himself apart with thoughts like:
“What did I do wrong?”
“I should’ve known.”
“I need to call her…”
He even found himself staring at his phone, expecting her to text him back.
But then one night we were hanging out and he blurted out something I think most of us are afraid to admit:
“I don’t even know who I am without this relationship.”
Losing that attachment to another person can shake you to your core.
You open up to someone on an emotional level, start to establish routines together, make plans for the future, and suddenly they’re gone.
It’s scary.
Your heart feels broken.
You spend hours wondering what you could’ve done differently.
That empty void that was once filled with their presence can make you feel lost.
But here’s the cool part most people don’t realize until much later:
A breakup is actually one of the best times to focus on YOU.
Instead of investing your time and emotions into another human being that doesn’t reciprocate, you get to redirect all that energy inward.
Focus on your growth.
Focus on your healing…
…and most importantly: focus on you becoming the healthiest version of yourself.
If you recently experienced a breakup, please don’t waste another minute of your life crying over someone who doesn’t want to be with you.
Take this time to invest in your own emotional recovery.
15 Ways to Focus on Yourself After a Breakup
1. Allow Yourself to Feel the Pain
Pretending like you’re okay when you’re falling apart inside will only hurt you in the long run.
Yes, breakups suck.
A lot of people try to distract themselves right away by going out, drinking with friends, or jumping into a new relationship as soon as possible.
But that emotional pain isn’t going to go away.
When you experience a breakup, it’s normal to feel emotional grief.
You’re no longer going to see that person every day.
You don’t have that special someone to talk to about your day.
You won’t be able to make plans with them going forward.
It’s okay to let yourself feel that.
You’ll feel sadness, anger, and confusion.
All of those emotions are completely normal.
Accepting how you feel is the first step toward healing after a breakup.
Read also: 25 Simple Ways to Feel Okay Again
2. Cut All Contact With Your Ex
I can’t stress this enough.
Breakups become ten times harder if your ex is everywhere you turn.
And no, I don’t mean you have to sit there and hate your ex.
But you do need space.
This might mean muting them on social media, avoiding places you know you’ll see them, or cutting off all communication.
You breaking up doesn’t mean they’re going to rip your heart out.
They’ll continue to hurt you if you allow them to.
Break the contact and allow yourself time to heal.
I know it’s said a million times, but trust me on this: no contact after a breakup can work wonders.
Read also: True Love vs Fake Love: 5 Ways to Tell the Difference
3. Rediscover Who You Are
You know how you change your daily habits when you start dating someone?
Maybe you go on dinners and hikes more often.
Stop watching so much TV.
You wake up a little earlier to spend more time with them.
When you lose that connection, you feel like you’ve lost part of yourself too.
That’s why it’s time to get yourself back.
What were you into before you met your ex?
Reading? Hiking? Movies? Learning new skills?
Now is the time to dive back into those interests.
You’re not trying to keep yourself busy to avoid thinking about your ex.
You’re rebuilding your identity.
Rediscovering who you are after a relationship can be extremely liberating.
Read also: 9 Signs of Self Sabotage Drawing you Back
4. Put Your Emphasis on Bettering Yourself Physically
Emotional problems can take a toll on your body.
You eat less or more than normal.
Can’t seem to fall asleep at night.
No matter how positive you try to stay, you just don’t feel yourself.
If you want to truly recover from a breakup, you need to start by caring for your body.
Get into a regular exercise routine.
Try to cook more at home and eat healthy.
Get enough sleep each night and drink plenty of water.
When you exercise, your body releases endorphins, happy hormones that can improve your mood.
Many people find their fitness routine to be the centerpiece of their self improvement after a breakup.
You don’t have to start going to the gym five times a week if you don’t want to.
Take daily walks and slowly work your way from there.
5. Spend More Time With Loved Ones
Isolation after a breakup will kill you.
Instead of spending time with people who care about you, you stay home and overanalyze every detail about the relationship.
The conversation you had weeks ago.
The moment they looked at someone else and smiled.
It’s a vicious cycle.
That’s why you need to be around people who support you.
Go hang out with your friends or family.
Have people around that you can talk to whenever you need.
You don’t always have to talk about your situation either.
Spend time laughing and smiling with people who care about you.
Surrounding yourself with loved ones is one of the best ways to recover emotionally.
6. Stop Dwelling on the Good Times
Nostalgia is a bitch.
As humans, we tend to only focus on the good times we had with someone when they leave us.
The dates we used to go on.
Laughing with each other over silly inside jokes.
Instead of reminiscing about the good memories, take a step back and be objective.
No relationship is perfect.
If it ended, there was a reason for it.
Were there arguments?
Things you wanted from them that you didn’t get?
Write down the good and the bad.
When you understand what happened, you can gain the emotional clarity you need to move forward.
7. Don’t Jump Into a New Relationship Too Soon
If you don’t feel comfortable being alone after a breakup, you’ll find yourself running into the next relationship as soon as possible.
It’s called a rebound relationship for a reason…
Sure, it will feel good at first, but it’s only going to delay your healing process.
Entering another relationship too quickly will only cause you more problems.
Use this time to better yourself.
Figure out what you really want in a relationship.
Understand the good and bad of your past relationship.
Learn what you can improve on for next time.
Time spent alone will only make you stronger when it comes to understanding your feelings in relationships.
8. Create Personal Goals for Yourself
Feeling like you have no purpose or direction after a breakup is normal.
One of the best ways to regain control of your life is to create goals for yourself.
These can be anything from learning a new language to saving up for that dream vacation.
Pick goals that you’re excited to work toward.
You’ll instantly shift your focus from what you’re losing to what you have to look forward to.
Self-development after a breakup is the best way to turn that pain you’re feeling into self progress.
9. Stay Off Social Media
You think about calling your ex.
You think about what life would be like if you two ended up together.
Now what else do you do?
Scroll through their Facebook looking for signs of them posting with another person?
Stop it.
Trust me, you’ll hurt yourself more if you continue down that path.
Nothing good comes from social media stalking your ex.
You’ll only drive yourself crazy trying to find answers that you’ll never know.
Emotional healing starts with limiting your dopamine hits from Facebook and Instagram.
Out of sight, out of mind.
10. Reflect on What You Learned
Hey, relationships aren’t always meant to work out.
That’s just life.
But that doesn’t mean you didn’t learn something from being with that person.
What can you take away from this relationship that will better you as a person?
How can you apply these lessons to future relationships?
Asking yourself these types of questions can help you grow your emotional intelligence when it comes to relationships.
You’re growing as a person with or without a significant other in your life.
Learn from your mistakes.
11. Establish New Routines
When you’re in a relationship, your daily life revolves around your partner.
You go home from work and see them.
You text them good morning before your day starts.
Once the relationship is over, it feels weird not having that person greet you at your front door.
You suddenly have all of this free time.
That’s why you should create new habits for yourself.
Wake up earlier to go on a morning jog.
Take up reading again.
Schedule weekly lunches with friends.
Replace your old routine with new, healthier habits.
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
12. Treat Yourself With Some Grace
It’s easy to put yourself down after a breakup.
You start thinking:
“I could have done this…”
“I should have done that.”
What could YOU have done differently?
Instead of criticizing yourself, forgive yourself and treat yourself how you would treat your best friend.
You would never talk to your friend the way you talk to yourself after a breakup.
Give yourself grace and allow yourself to heal emotionally.
13. Try Something New
This goes hand in hand with number 3.
Use your newfound freedom to try something you’ve always wanted to do.
Do you want to travel more?
Take up that painting class you’ve always talked about?
Build new, healthy habits and spend time with yourself.
You’ll learn things about yourself you never knew.
Life is about growing as a person.
Allow yourself to find your passion again.
14. Focus on Becoming the Best Version of Yourself
Stop worrying about what happened in the past.
It’s done and you can’t change it.
Focus on the future you want to become.
Do you want to be more confident?
Less emotionally dependent on others?
Healthier?
What type of person do you want to become?
Channeling your time and energy into becoming that person will be what pushes you forward into a brighter future.
A breakup is actually a great time to start bettering yourself.
Allow yourself to turn this pain into self improvement and growth.
15. Give Yourself Time to Heal
Healing from a breakup doesn’t happen overnight.
Some days you’ll feel great.
Other days you’ll rip yourself apart wondering what you could’ve done.
It happens to the best of us.
But as long as you know you’re continuing to push forward, that’s all that matters.
You will heal.
It just takes time.
Remember how you used to be so madly in love with this person?
Your heart aches at the thought of seeing them happy with someone else?
Take solace in the fact that with time, everything heals.
Even a broken heart.
Your pain won’t last forever.
Just allow yourself time to heal.
Conclusion
Life will throw breakups at you whether you like it or not.
It’s how you react to those breakups that determines how you grow as a person.
Allowing yourself to focus on YOU after a relationship will help you learn things about yourself you never knew.
You learn how to better yourself physically and mentally.
You learn to appreciate your time alone.
And who you are without that special person by your side.
Life is about growing as a person.
Even if that growth comes from a tough breakup.
Take what you’ve learned here and go be amazing.
You got this.
FAQ
How long does it take to get over a breakup?
Typically a few months. But it all depends on how long you were with the person and how invested you were.
Will I still think about my ex?
Yes, and that’s completely normal. Emotionally detaching yourself from someone takes time.
Should I stay friends with my ex?
Only if you both agree to it. A lot of people need space after a breakup to heal emotionally.
Why does a breakup hurt so much?
Because it actually does hurt that much. Your brain associates breakups with physical pain.
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