Look around you. How many people do you know that settle for crumbs in relationships, wondering why they feel so depleted? Too many. I have walked this road myself. Allowed friends to treat me poorly. Been guilty of compromising my values and needs to please someone else—all at the expense of my self-worth.
Relationships can be incredible. They can also be the biggest indicator of how you treat yourself. If you’ve ever felt invisible, unappreciated, or unsure of your value in a relationship, these tips are for you.
You CAN learn how to value yourself in a relationship. There are steps you can take to guard your heart and only allow love into your life that lifts you up. Below are 13 ways how to value yourself in a relationship and show up as the best version of you.
Let’s dive in.
1. Set Boundaries
Boundaries are a great place to start when learning how to value yourself in a relationship. They allow you to set standards for how you will (and will NOT) be treated.
START BY:
- Identifying boundaries you will set with your partner.
- Communicating them clearly and calmly.
- Standing firm when they are tested.
Boundaries are a guide for your partner to learn how to treat you. They show you value yourself enough to define what you will and won’t accept.
Read also: How to Make Boundaries – 10 Steps
2. Communicate Your Needs
Another relationship killer is expecting your partner to know what you need. Do you need more love? Affection? Attention? Words of affirmation? Help with the housework?
Asking for what you need is a form of self-love. You are SHOWING your partner how to value you by telling them what you need.
TRY THIS: Use clear communication that starts with “I” statements. “I feel hurt when you cancel plans last minute. I need more consistency.”
Read also: 15 Ways to Focus on Yourself After a Breakup
3. Know Your Worth
Knowing your worth inside a relationship is about defining how you value yourself when you’re alone.
Spend some time thinking about or journaling the ways you are KIND to others or what unique qualities you bring to your partnership.
ACTION STEP: Write down your positive traits and accomplishments on paper. Read it anytime you feel invisible or undervalued by your partner.
Read also: 10 Steps to Finding Yourself Again
4. Never Accept Being Disrespected
If your partner belittles you, argues with you about everything, ignores your feelings, or makes you question your reality—it’s time to grow some backbone.
YOU DESERVE TO BE VALUED and no one is going to do it for you. Learn how to value yourself by standing up for yourself (nicely) and removing yourself from disrespectful situations.
PRO TIP: Notice how your partner responds to your boundaries. A respectful person will honor them. A toxic partner will try to push them.
5. Make Your Happiness a Priority
It’s easy to get caught up in your partner’s world. Their wants. Their needs. Their goals. But what about you?
Learn how to value yourself by putting your own happiness FIRST. That means:
- Continue doing things you love EVEN when your partner doesn’t want to join.
- Make time for friends and family.
- Celebrate your accomplishments even if they weren’t shared.
When you make your happiness a priority, you are reminding yourself that YOU are responsible for your own happiness. Not your partner.
6. Keep Your Independence
Just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean you should lose your identity.
Continue to pay your own bills, take classes to learn new things, and surround yourself with a solid support system.
Independence is attractive. It shows your partner that you are complete without them and your relationship is a bonus.
7. Say “No”
Do you have guilt saying no to your partner? Learning how to say no is crucial when it comes to valuing yourself.
Here’s an example: If your partner wants to go out with friends and you simply want to rest and relax, it’s okay to tell them no. You’re not letting anyone down by prioritizing yourself.
Learning how to say no reinforces your identity. It also reminds your partner that your time is valuable.
8. Stop People-Pleasing
People pleasing NEVER equals self-value. If you struggle to put yourself first in a relationship, ask yourself why.
Do you fear your partner will leave you if you don’t comply with their wants and needs?
Trust yourself. Say what you are actually thinking and feeling, even if it might upset your partner.
Remember: Healthy relationships are built on authenticity. Not people pleasing.
You are worthy of love without having to sacrifice your needs to stay in a relationship.
9. Keep Your Standards High
Having low standards will always lead to an unhappy relationship. So how do you value yourself by keeping your standards high?
Simple. KNOW your worth.
You deserve respect, trust, communication, and emotional support from your partner. Don’t lower your standards just because he/she gives you the occasional hug and kisses you goodnight.
High standards = self-respect. They also keep you from wasting time in a relationship that doesn’t feel right.
10. Trust Yourself
Listen to your gut. If something doesn’t feel right in your relationship, it probably isn’t.
Learning how to value yourself means trusting your intuition. Here’s how:
- Look for patterns in your relationship. Are you continually arguing over the same things?
- Acknowledge red flags ASAP.
- Step back from the situation and allow yourself time to think.
11. Practice Self-Compassion
Mistakes will happen in your relationship. Learning how to value yourself means allowing room for mistakes—yours and your partner’s. Be compassionate with each other.
You are only human, and you deserve grace when you mess up.
12. Avoid Comparisons
Don’t compare your relationship to others. Social media is a highlight reel of everyone’s best parts. You have no idea what’s going on behind closed doors.
Focus on YOUR relationship and what you bring to the table. Everything else doesn’t matter.
Once you stop comparing yourself to others, you will realize that your worth isn’t based on other people’s opinions.
13. Surround Yourself with Positive People
This tip goes along with setting boundaries. Toxic people will ALWAYS try to devalue you, whether they are friends, partners, family members, or coworkers. Distance yourself from those who don’t lift you UP.
Instead, focus on surrounding yourself with positive people who cheer you on and build you up.
Sharing your accomplishments with someone who is proud of you every step of the way WILL encourage you to value yourself.
Conclusion
Valuing yourself in a relationship is the KEY to finding a love that values YOU back. When you learn how to set boundaries, communicate, and keep your standards high, you will never settle for less than you deserve again.
You’re worth it.
FAQ
Q: How do I know if I’m putting too little value on myself in a relationship?
A: If you people please, struggle to communicate your needs, feel drained by your relationship, or allow your partner to treat you poorly, you may be undervaluing yourself.
Q: Can learning how to value myself fix my relationship?
A: Valuing yourself will allow you to set healthy boundaries and communicate with your partner. But if they continuously disrespect your boundaries, evaluating yourself won’t fix them.
Q: How can I gain self-confidence in a relationship?
A: By taking care of your body, setting goals and working towards them, maintaining your independence, and celebrating your accomplishments.
Q: What if my partner gets angry when I set boundaries?
A: Boundaries are not optional. If your partner insults you or gets angry when you set boundaries, it’s a red flag. Distance yourself from them immediately and learn how to value yourself.
Q: Will learning how to value myself make me a better partner?
A: Yes! When you learn how to value yourself in a relationship, you are able to bring your authentic self to the table. Setting boundaries and communicating will allow your partner to do the same, which equals a healthy balance of love.
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