When my good friend sat down on his porch swing a few years ago, leaned back with his arms crossed, and sighed in frustration, he said to me, “I just wish she understood what I really want in a relationship.”
At the time, I assumed he was talking about money or something extravagant. After talking to him for hours, I came to find that what he truly desired had nothing to do with money, sex, or gifts—it was built on little things that most people don’t think to give their partner.
As I watched men around me interact with their girlfriends (and wives) and began asking them about their relationships, I discovered there were hidden, deeply-subtle things men want in a relationship that most women just don’t realize they should be providing, even me as a man can affirm. I then realized that these were things I did instinctively to keep the relationships around me strong.
Through years of experimenting and analyzing healthy relationships, I’ve discovered some interesting patterns men seem to value more than anything else in a relationship. Men want these little things, and when you give them to him, he falls hard.
13 little-known things every man desperately wants in a relationship.
1. Appreciation
Don’t expect him to voice this need often, but men love when you appreciate them.
Whether it’s for something he did for you specifically, for the relationship, or for life in general—he wants to know you appreciate him. It’s that simple.
All he needs are signals that you care about the effort he puts forth.
Do this by:
- Smiling, hugging, and touching him when you can
- Saying things like, “I noticed that you did this, thank you”
When you make it a habit to appreciate him, you’ll build his emotional loyalty to you.
Read also: 50 Emotional Intelligence Tips You Can Try
2. Emotional Safety
Men want to know that they can speak to you about anything and that you’ll listen—no judgment.
Let him rant to you whenever he needs to. Men want to know that you’ll listen without trying to fix his problems. Just listen.
If he’s telling you about a problem, don’t jump straight to telling him your advice. Many times he just wants to talk and have you hear him.
When he feels like he can emotionally open up to you without judgment, he’ll love you more for it.
3. Independence
Yes, men love feeling close to their partner. But that doesn’t mean they want you hovering over them 24/7.
Men need their space too.
You don’t need to feel guilty for having your own hobbies, interests, or friendships.
Let him have his as well.
When you allow him his freedom, it will allow him to trust you more. Trust makes the relationship stronger.
Read also: How to Make Boundaries – 10 Steps
4. Understanding
Men want to feel really understood by their partner.
You should know what he wants and needs without him having to ask.
If he’s quiet, you should know he’s either tired, hungry, or upset.
You should know how to respond to his actions without him having to tell you.
When you both know each other that well, the relationship just flows.
5. Touch
Yes, sex is great and men love sexual intimacy with their partner (obviously), but there are other forms of touching they want from you.
Some of these include:
- Hugs
- Cuddling
- Holding hands
- Sitting close to each other
- Brushing up against each other
- Light resting of hands
Little touches outside the bedroom will make him feel loved and allow him to feel closer to you emotionally.
6. Validation
When men do something for you, their significant other, or life in general—they want to know you care.
They want to know that what they did mattered.
Whether he fixed the sink, listened to your problems all night, or got a promotion at work—he wants to hear from you that you notice these accomplishments.
Your validation will motivate him to do more for you and the relationship.
7. Acknowledgment
Men have thoughts and opinions too—even if they don’t always express them.
When he does share his thoughts, listen to him.
Don’t speak over him or tell him he’s wrong without letting him finish his thought.
If you really care about his opinion, he’ll feel comfortable sharing his ideas with you freely.
He wants to feel like you respect his thoughts as much as you want him to respect yours.
8. Encouragement
Men want you cheering them on every step of the way, but they don’t want you pushing your expectations on them.
If he screws up, don’t scream at him.
If he could have done something better, tell him gently.
Praise his goals and dreams, but don’t push him to reach them because you want to.
When you encourage him the right way, he’ll feel more confident in himself and your relationship.
9. Playfulness
Life is short. Have fun with your man.
Do things that you both enjoy and make each other laugh.
This can be as simple as:
- Trying a hobby you both like
- Playfighting
- Cracking jokes
- Goofing off on a random date
When you two can laugh and have fun with each other, you build emotional intimacy.
10. Trust
If he doesn’t trust you, nothing else will even matter to him.
You have to be honest with him.
You have to be loyal to him.
And most of all, you have to prove to him that you can be trusted.
Once he knows that you’re trustworthy, he’ll love you for the rest of his life.
11. Effort
When men do things for you, they want you to notice.
Whether it’s holding the door for you or making dinner. Men want you to know that they put in the effort.
Tell him “thank you” when he does something nice for you. And when you see him going out of his way to help you, do something for him to show you appreciate the effort he puts into your relationship.
12. Emotional Intelligence
The way you and your man handle your emotions says a lot about the relationship.
If he’s moody, don’t be rude back.
If you’re stressed, don’t take it out on him.
You should both have a somewhat similar emotional range.
Otherwise, you’re going to constantly trigger each other and feel on edge all the time.
13. Respect
Men want to feel needed. Everyone wants to feel needed.
Whether it’s fixing something around the house or helping you with your clothes, men like to feel like you need them.
As long as he feels needed, he’ll feel proud to be with you and will continue to show you loyalty and love.
Each relationship is unique in its own way, but if you focus on these little things, you can build a relationship he never wants to end.
Pay attention to the little things and your man will fall madly in love with you.
You’ll be his heaven on earth.
FAQ
Q1: Do all men want these things?
Not all men will list these things as what they want in a relationship, but every man that I know desires at least 10 of these things.
Q2: How will I know if my boyfriend/girlfriend desires these things?
Look at how he acts, but also listen to what he says. Men are subtle but voice their complaints when something is really bothering them.
Q3: Can women still be themselves and provide these?
Of course! This isn’t about changing yourself to please your partner. It’s about understanding what he needs and giving it to him naturally.
Q4: Are these things only for people in long-term relationships?
Nope. If you follow all of these while dating someone, you’ll have the healthiest relationship around.
Q5: Where do I start?
Start by implementing one or two of these into your relationship. You can thank me later.
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