Let me start off by saying: Negative criticism used to ruin my day.
Back when I first started working, I eagerly awaited my boss’s review on a report I spent hours perfecting. And then she told me it wasn’t “quite there yet.”
I was crushed. All that work and she didn’t see it. My mind immediately raced with thoughts like, “Do they even care about my work? Am I messing up?” and I stormed out of that meeting pissed off and ready to quit.
If I could go back in time, I’d tell that newbie version of myself that she was handling criticism all wrong. Emotions get the best of us most of the time. But learning how to properly deal with negative feedback changed my entire life. Here’s how you can do it too.
Today I’ll walk you through 12 ways to handle negative criticism so you never lose your cool again.
Whether someone gives you feedback at work, on social media, or anywhere else, these tactics will help you keep the peace. Collect yourself. And use criticism from others as a strategic advantage.
12 Ways to Handle Negative Criticism
1. Take a Moment Before Responding
The first thing you want to do when someone dishes out negative feedback is nothing. Not even that—an impulse you’re going to feel REALLY BAD.
Try taking a deep breath. Or stepping outside. Give yourself at least 60 seconds to cool down before you say or do anything else.
I know it’s easier said than done, but trust me… pausing before you respond will prevent you from saying something you’ll regret later. Allow yourself time to process what you heard so you can respond appropriately.
Once I gave my manager feedback on something he’d written, and he told me I was “argumentative” (!!). I took a few deep breaths, counted to ten, and reread his comment before asking him why he thought that. It turned out there was a misunderstanding and we were able to move past it no problem. Had I snapped back right away, I would’ve totally ruined our relationship.
Read also: How to Handle a Negative Employee
2. Separate How You Feel From What They Say
I know—it’s easier said than done. But hear me out.
When you receive negative criticism, it can evoke strong emotions: anger, sadness, defensiveness. These feelings are NORMAL. But you have to learn how to separate those emotions from the criticism itself.
Ask yourself these questions:
- “What parts of this can I use?”
- “How can I improve/change this behavior?”
- “Are you responding to how they said it, or what they said?”
Picture criticism like someone giving you a “gift.” It may be worded poorly, but there’s probably something useful inside that gift. Your job is to dig it out.
Example: “Your website copy is confusing.”
Instead of getting defensive, focus on the actionable aspect: confused readers. Problem solved.
Read also: 15 Ways to Set Boundaries at Work
3. Listen More
Active listening is SUPER helpful when it comes to receiving criticism from others.
Stay open-minded: No crossing your arms!
Don’t interrupt: Even if you have something to say, stay quiet until they’re done.
Repeat what they said: Let them know you heard and understood their points.
When you truly listen to someone else’s criticism, you’re showing the other person that you respect them. And you have a better chance of understanding their point of view instead of listening to respond.
A co-worker once told me my project idea wouldn’t work. Instead of getting defensive, I asked her questions to better understand her perspective. Not only did it make my project better, we also gained a deeper respect for each other.
4. Don’t Take It Personally
This may sound cliché but hear me out: 99% of the time criticism has NOTHING to do with you.
As cliché as it sounds, it’s true! Take the focus off of you and focus on the actions you can take to improve.
Here are a few questions you can ask yourself:
- What can I do differently?
- What behaviors can I change?
- What have I accomplished before?
You are STILL worthy of love and acceptance, even if someone believes otherwise. Remember your strengths. Reflect on your past achievements.
Example: Someone told me I wasn’t prepared to lead a project. In reality, I was perfectly capable of leading—but lacked confidence. So I told myself I was worthy of the job until I BELIEVED IT.
5. Ask Questions
Nothing is more frustrating than being given vague criticism. You don’t know what to make of it, how to improve, or if you’re even being criticized fairly.
My advice? ASK QUESTIONS.
- “Could you give me an example?”
- “Which areas do you think need the most improvement?”
- “What are your thoughts on X, Y, Z?”
Not only does this help you receive useful feedback, but people will appreciate you asking questions. Most people don’t take the time to listen and improve themselves. Be that person.
Example: My boss told me my sales pitch was “good, but it could use more polish.” What did that even mean? So I asked her where I could add more detail, and was able to improve my pitch WITH SPECIFIC FEEDBACK.
6. Consider Who’s Giving It
Now this isn’t to say that you should only care about the opinions of others who agree with you. But if a random Facebook commenter says your writing style is trash… chances are you don’t need to change it.
Take a look at these things when evaluating if you should take criticism seriously:
- Are they an expert in the subject? Do they have knowledge you lack?
- Is this person trying to help you, or are they just venting?
- Is this constructive criticism, or are they just trying to tear you down?
Example: My hairstylist told me my hair would look better shorter. She’s seen plenty of hairstyles in her day, so I trusted her opinion and chopped it off!
7. Respond Professionally
How you respond to criticism is just as important as the initial criticism itself.
Here’s a good response:
“Thank you for your feedback. I will take this into consideration.”
This takes the wind right out of someone who’s trying to be rude or disrespectful. By responding in a calm and professional manner, you establish your own emotional intelligence. And trust me – people will notice.
Example: A client once gave me some negative feedback about the quality of my work. I responded with, “Thank you so much for your feedback. I will review this and make adjustments.”
Sure, they could’ve been nicer about it. But my response was WAY better than screaming profanities in return.
8. Look for The Lesson
There is always a lesson to be learned in criticism. You just have to know how to look for it.
As you receive negative feedback, ask yourself:
- What can I learn from this?
- How can I use this feedback to better myself?
- What specific steps can I take to improve?
Example: My roommate told me my laundry folding skills were terrible. I took that criticism, went online, and researched different ways to fold clothes. My drawers look amazing now.
9. Keep Things in Perspective
Allow one person’s criticism to ruin your day and you’ll be stressed 24/7. Here’s what I like to do instead.
I look at other criticism I’ve received and compare it. Chances are if you got overly criticized about one thing, you’ve excelled at something else.
Also take a look at your accomplishments. How far have YOU come? Sure, you could improve on some areas but that doesn’t mean YOU are bad.
Example: My coworker told me my credit scores weren’t high enough to qualify for a loan. So I compared it to my previous credit scores and realized I WENT UP by hundreds of points since last year!
10. Show Yourself Some Grace
Negative criticism stings. It’s okay to acknowledge that you’re hurt or upset. But don’t punish yourself because of it!
Tell yourself you’re allowed to make mistakes. Celebrate your victories no matter how small. And stop being so hard on yourself!
When you show yourself some grace, it becomes easier to handle criticism. The more you practice self-love and positive self-talk, the stronger you’ll become at receiving criticism.
Example: My sister told me my report had tons of errors. Instead of feeling crappy about myself, I took a few minutes to correct my mistakes and celebrate that I caught them.
11. Use Criticism As Fuel To Improve
Learning how to properly handle criticism also means learning how to USE criticism.
Make a plan to correct your mistakes and follow through with it. Create goals you’d like to achieve to show you’ve improved. And track your progress as you go!
Turn that negative energy into something POSITIVE. Here’s an example from my own life.
My boss had given me criticism on a client proposal I had written. I sat down, made a list of things I could improve on, and implemented the changes into my next proposal. It was praised left and right!
12. Let it Go
This is probably my favorite way to deal with negative criticism. Not all feedback is worth your time and energy.
- Someone who is blatantly biased
- Someone who doesn’t have your best interest in mind
- Something you CAN’T change
As soon as you realize the criticism you received falls into one of these categories, allow yourself to acknowledge it. Then LET IT GO.
Your time is valuable. So don’t waste it dwelling on pointless criticism that doesn’t help you grow.
Example: My team often bashed my cooking skills. But since I COULDN’T improve on that (I’m terrible in the kitchen), I ate their judgments and moved on with my life.
Conclusion
Learning how to properly handle negative criticism is less about avoidance and more about your reaction.
Take a breath before you reply. Separate your emotions from their words. Ask questions to gain more clarity. Look for ways to improve and use criticism as fuel to take action.
See where other people’s opinions stand in comparison to your goals. Remember how far you’ve come. Be kind to yourself. Then go kick some butt.
Accepting criticism doesn’t mean you have to accept it forever. Use it to your advantage, learn from your mistakes, and LET IT GO when you’ve learned all you can.
The more you practice gracefully accepting criticism, the more empowered you’ll feel to pursue your goals. You’ll build better relationships with others and improve yourself along the way.
YOUR happiness and improvement comes from how you handle negativity, not the amount of negativity you avoid.
FAQ
Why does criticism hurt so much?
Because it attacks your self-image. Learning to separate your self-worth from the criticism you receive will help.
How do I know which criticism to take?
Use your best judgment. If someone is being constructive and you trust their opinion, take it under consideration.
What if I get angry when I receive criticism?
Take a deep breath and wait to respond. You can always sleep on it if you need to.
Isn’t criticism just a way to point out my faults?
No – when given correctly, criticism helps you identify your blind spots.
How do I stop being so defensive?
Listen more than you speak. Take a breath before responding. Remember: no criticism is personal.
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