100 Things Men Say When They Are Cheating

My friend had suspicions about her boyfriend. She knew something was up, but she didn’t have any solid proof, just a bad feeling. Then one day she logged into his phone to find receipts for suspicious flirtations. It wasn’t until she sat down with him later that night that she noticed how he spoke. It were little things he said, all adding up to paint a bigger picture.

That’s when I realized men speak volumes without even trying. Some guys are slick and think they’re being smooth…but they’re not.

Cheating isn’t always physical. Sometimes it’s the lies they tell you, sudden changes in behavior, or verbal inconsistencies they hope will fool you. But you can protect yourself by learning the signs.

Below you will find 89 things men say when they are cheating, organized into ten distinct categories. You’ll start to pick up on verbal patterns and subconscious statements that let the truth shine through.

1. They Avoid Taking Accountability

A cheating man will avoid taking responsibility for his words and actions. They say these things to plant seeds of doubt in your mind so you don’t ask any questions:

“Why are you so mad? You’re blowing things out of proportion.”
“Don’t go crazy…You’re imagining things.”
“I wasn’t thinking about that in that way, I promise.”
“I don’t recall saying that.”
“Why are you bringing this up?”
“Why do you question me?”
“I can’t believe you’d think I’d lie to you.”
“You’re being crazy right now.”
“I don’t have to justify myself to you.”
“Are you really going to accuse me of that?”

Excuses like these are passive-aggressive ways of dodging accountability while leaving you questioning yourself.

2. They Make Ridiculously Defensive Statements

Most people have tells when they lie…but it’s defensiveness that will really give him away. Something as simple as asking where he was last Tuesday can send him into a fit of aggressive explanations:

“Why do you question me?”
“I can’t believe you don’t trust me.”
“You’re being crazy right now.”
“I don’t have to justify myself to you.”
“Are you really going to accuse me of that?”
“Calm down, I didn’t do anything.”
“I have nothing to hide from you.”
“You’re overreacting.”
“It’s not what you think it is.”
“I can’t believe you’d accuse me.”

Trying to control the situation and the conversation are signs of someone who’s guilty.

3. They Say Really Flirty Things Out Of The Blue

It’s likely that he’ll start acting guilty by saying really nice things to you. Cheaters will often shower their partners with words of affirmation they don’t mean just to ease a guilty conscience:

“You mean the world to me.”
“I wouldn’t intentionally hurt you.”
“Wow, you look good today.”
“I think about you all the time.”
“I love how sensitive you are.”
“You mean everything to me.”
“There’s nobody like you.”
“I need you more than anyone else.”
“I only see you when I look in my phone.”
“I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

If his compliments feel insincere or forced, trust your instincts.

4. They Give Non-Specific Answers

In most cases, a cheating partner will avoid discussing specifics that may somehow pin him down. Stay on him about these statements to catch him in a lie:

“I was with friends.”
“I don’t remember where I was.”
“It’s none of your business.”
“I can’t tell you right now.”
“You’ll understand once I explain.”
“I don’t want to talk about that.”
“It’s nothing.”
“I was busy.”
“I don’t know.”
“Let’s not talk about this.”

When someone gives you vague statements, there’s a good chance they are hiding something.

5. They Suddenly Need Privacy

Everyone needs privacy. Hell, even people who cheat need privacy. But if your partner suddenly needs privacy in weird ways, consider it a red flag.

Combine this behavior with other things on this list and you’ll know for sure:

“Can you give me some space?”
“Can we please not go through my phone?”
“Please leave me alone.”
“Don’t snoop around.”
“Give me some room.”
“Please don’t bug me.”
“I want some privacy, but I’m not hiding anything.”
“Let’s not talk about this.”
“Don’t bug me right now.”
“Leave me alone, I’ll talk to you later.”

6. They Make Contradictory Statements

Watch for him agreeing to one statement and then instantly backtracking on his word:

“I didn’t see her yesterday…wait why am I lying….yes I saw her.”
“I was working late that night, unless I went to the store.”
“I told you I was tired, then I went out with friends.”
“I didn’t look at my phone all day…well besides these three texts.”
“I didn’t mean to lie to you….kind of did but not really.”
“I swear I wasn’t talking to her….well I texted her a few things.”
“I only stepped out for a couple minutes….or was it 20?”
“I wasn’t with her that night…but yes I was for a second.”
“I don’t remember telling you that…wait yes I did.”
“I didn’t take her home, yeah I stopped by her house.”

Contradicting yourself is difficult to do consistently, making these types of statements easy to catch.

7. They Try To Downplay Things

Guys who cheat will attempt to downplay situations to keep you off their trail. They minimize situations to ease their guilt while keeping you from asking questions:

“Stop overreacting, we’re fine.”
“Why are you trying to make a big deal out of everything?”
“We’re not serious or anything.”
“Don’t overthink things, it was nothing.”
“Why are you making everything a problem?”
“It’s not a big deal, really.”
“We’ll be fine. Chill out.”
“Don’t be so angry; I’m tired.”
“Things will get better, trust me.”
“Nothing like that ever happened.”

The less important the relationship is to him, the easier it’ll be for him to step outside of it.

8. They Shift Blame Onto You

Unless your boyfriend has serious anger issues, he shouldn’t be blaming you for his actions. Someone who cheats will play the blame game so you feel guilty for what he’s done:

“If you weren’t so pathetic I wouldn’t feel the need to do this.”
“You’re the reason I’m so stressed out.”
“If things were different between us I wouldn’t have.”
“You don’t listen to me.”
“I wouldn’t cheat on you if you actually understood me.”
“Look, I didn’t want to do this… But”
“I didn’t cheat!”
“If you weren’t so needy all the time…”
“Don’t look at me. You made me do this.”
“You’re the reason I had to…”

Blame shifting is never acceptable and allows the guilty party to avoid responsibility.

9. They Over-justify Small Actions

Here are some examples of things guys will say just to seem innocent:

“It was harmless conversation.”
“I didn’t mean anything by it, I was joking.”
“Girls will talk to other girls.”
“Work made me go there, I swear.”
“I didn’t think it would upset you.”
“I wasn’t thinking about it, I swear.”
“I wouldn’t have done it if you weren’t being so hard on me.”
“It means nothing.”
“I was just speaking to them for work.”
“I’m sorry I made you feel that way.”

If he has to over-explain simple things, he’s probably guilty as hell.

10. They Sound Distant or Unattached

You’ll never know for sure what your partner is thinking or feeling until he opens up to you. If he suddenly starts becoming distant or detached from you emotionally, something is wrong:

“I’ve just been really tired lately.”
“I don’t want to talk right now.”
“I need some time to myself.”
“I’m just not in the mood to talk.”
“Lately, I feel like we’re just going through the motions.”
“I don’t know how to make you understand how I feel.”
“I’m just really emotionally drained. I’m not mad at you.”
“Can we not talk right now? I need some time to think.”
“I feel distant from you sometimes, but that’s not your fault.”
“I’m trying, man. I don’t know what else to do.”

Emotional withdrawal is never healthy and is a sign that he might not be thinking about you as much as he should be.

Words will only get you so far. If he says these things and exhibits drastic changes in behavior, mood, and routine, he’s probably cheating.

But if he says one of these phrases once in a while and everything else seems normal, chill out!

Never accuse someone without concrete proof. Pay attention to words, yes… but more importantly pay attention to patterns in behavior.

Let these words guide you towards the truth.

FAQ

Q: What if he says one of these things but isn’t cheating?
A: Life happens. Arguments, stress, and outside factors can play a role in your partner falling into these verbal patterns. Take note of patterns and NEVER accuse someone without concrete evidence.

Q: How can I talk to him about my suspicions?
A: Pull him aside and have a heart-to-heart. Tell him how you feel using “I” statements and allow him to express how he feels as well.

Q: Words don’t matter. It’s what he does that counts.
A: Actions will always speak louder than words, but listening to how he speaks can help you catch him in a lie. Coupling his words with his actions will give you the best results.

Q: Is cheating ever okay?
A: No relationship is perfect, and arguments will happen. But cheating is NEVER okay and will destroy any trust you’ve built if you choose to forgive them.

Q: What should I do if he IS cheating?
A: Take a deep breath. Think about what you want to do and don’t do it alone. Talk to friends, family, or a counselor to better understand your situation.

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