Once, years ago, I was sitting across from a friend at a small restaurant booth.
He spent the entire lunch complaining about the same issue he’d been complaining about for months.
His boss was being unfair to him.
His friends weren’t being supportive.
Life was against him.
I did my best to encourage him at first. I gave advice, offered perspective, and tried to help him see solutions.
But the weirder thing happened. With every suggestion I gave, he found a way to counter it.
With every positive suggestion, he shut it down.
I get it. His problems were valid. But what I realized sitting there is that he didn’t want things to get better. He’d grown comfortable in his negativity.
And the more time I spent around him, the more I felt drained.
I realized that if you spend enough time around negative people, it can affect your mindset.
Every day you allow yourself to be around pessimistic thinking, negative attitudes, and people who complain about everything will make it harder for you to stay motivated and positive about life.
Wanting to spend time away from negative people isn’t selfish.
Sometimes the kindest thing you can do for your mental health and self-development is learning how to separate yourself from people who drain your energy.
If you’ve ever walked away from someone feeling emotionally exhausted, this guide will teach you how to distance yourself from negative people without sacrificing your boundaries or self-respect.
Ready to create some space?
Let’s go.
10 Ways to Get Away from Negative People
1. Identify Negative People
The first step to avoiding negative people is realizing who they are.
Not everyone who complains is toxic. We all have bad days and go through tough stretches.
But you’ll know when someone is consistently negative if they…
- Complain about everything
- Criticize other people
- Are always pessimistic
- Drain you after spending time with them
- Shoot down every positive suggestion
The more time you spend with a pessimistic person, the more you’ll find your mindset starting to mirror theirs.
Negativity can be contagious.
You might notice yourself becoming more stressed.
You might feel less motivated to pursue your goals.
Once you can recognize negativity in others, it becomes that much easier to understand why you need distance.
Read also: How to Transform Negative Thoughts into Positive Thoughts
2. Don’t Try to “Fix” Them
The worst thing you can do when you encounter a negative person is try to force them to be positive.
You’ll sit there thinking if you just try hard enough to encourage them, if you give them better advice about their situation, they’ll magically become a happier person.
It doesn’t work like that.
People don’t change until they want to change.
So if you try pouring all of your energy into fixing someone who’s perfectly content being negative, what’s going to happen?
You’ll burn yourself out.
You’ll spend every conversation trying to boost their mood only for them to pull you right back down with their complaints.
You are responsible for your life.
You are responsible for your choices.
You are responsible for your own mindset.
You are not responsible for changing someone else’s attitude about life.
Read also: 31 Habits of People Who Are Always Happy
3. Spend Less Time Around Them
Let’s say you can’t get this negative person out of your life.
What now?
Well, you can at least limit your interactions with them.
This could look like:
- Shorter conversations
- Avoiding them as often as possible
- Spending less time listening to them vent
Think of it as blocking them from your life the same way you’d block them on social media.
You wouldn’t allow someone that makes you unhappy to spend hours of your time.
Don’t let draining people absorb countless minutes of your day either.
Small changes like this could make all the difference to your sanity.
Read also: 10 Productivity Hacks for Effective Time Management
4. Set Firm Boundaries
Boundaries can be difficult to enforce.
We don’t like hurting people’s feelings or coming off as rude.
But here’s the thing about boundaries:
They’re not meant to punish someone. They’re simply limitations you put in place to take care of yourself.
If your coworker complains about their job to you every day, it’s okay to tell them:
- “I know you don’t like your job, but I don’t want to discuss this anymore.”
- “I enjoy talking to you, but I need to end this conversation.”
You don’t need to give them an explanation.
You don’t need to debate your decision with them.
Setting a boundary simply means stating what you will and won’t allow.
The great part is if they respect your boundaries, you maintain the relationship.
If they don’t accept your boundaries, they’ll slowly distance themselves from you anyway.
Either way, you win.
5. Don’t Jump Into Complaint Sessions
Whenever you spend time with a negative person, they love to drag you into their never-ending complaint sessions.
You start making small talk, and then all of a sudden, you’re deep in gossip and negativity.
It doesn’t have to be this way.
You have a choice when people try pulling you into toxic conversations.
You can engage with them and listen to every complaint they have.
OR
You can choose not to participate.
Let them rant and instead change the subject to something positive.
If they don’t hop on board and respect your wishes, you can even end the conversation altogether.
Shield yourself from draining people by refusing to entertain negativity.
You don’t have to argue with them about staying positive. You simply don’t have to engage when they talk badly about others or fail to see the good in life.
6. Build Your Self-Confidence
The hardest thing about negative people is they prey on people who lack self-confidence.
Let someone pick at your dreams every day, question your abilities, and belittle your goals.
If you already struggle with self-confidence, hearing that kind of talk is going to eat away at you.
However, what most people don’t realize is that the more you improve your self-confidence, the less other people’s opinions will affect you.
You won’t feel the need for constant validation from others.
You’ll understand that just because this negative person feels a certain way about your life doesn’t mean you have to feel that way too.
Improving your self-confidence is powerful because it helps you gain clarity on your goals.
The more confident you become in your choices, the easier it is to let go of negative people.
7. Hang Out With Positive People More Often
You know what’ll happen if you spend more time around negative people?
You become negative yourself.
That’s why it’s important to spend more time around positive people.
Think about the friends who light you up whenever you hang out with them.
The ones that listen to your problems but help you focus on finding solutions.
When you invite more positive people into your life, you automatically welcome:
- Better conversations
- Stronger relationships
- A more optimistic outlook on life
Your environment can play a big role in how you think and feel about life.
If you want a healthy balance of positive and negative people in your life, you must be just as intentional about who you surround yourself with as you are with who you distance yourself from.
8. Avoid Explaining Yourself Too Much
Let’s say you did a few of the things on this list.
You spend less time with this negative person and set a few boundaries.
What do you think they’ll do?
Lean into your ear and ask you every detail about why you’ve changed your behavior towards them.
If you let them, they’ll ask questions until you open up to them again.
But you shouldn’t feel obligated to explain yourself.
All you have to say is:
- “I’ve been busy with life lately.”
- “I don’t feel comfortable talking about that.”
You don’t need to justify your actions by explaining yourself to them.
Your life does not need to be validated by someone who complains about everything they want.
Demand space for yourself, and others will respect you for it.
9. Focus More on Yourself
Here’s an interesting thing about personal development.
The more you focus on improving your life, the less room you have for negativity.
Think about it.
When you’re crushing your goals.
When you’re busy building the life you want for yourself.
Too much negativity no longer fits into your life.
Instead of listening to someone rant about their job, you find those types of conversations boring.
Instead of coming to you with the same problems day in and day out, you grow tired of hearing them.
Focusing on yourself doesn’t just help you improve your life.
It automatically filters out the bad people.
10. Accept That Some Relationships Are Gone Forever
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but there will come a time in your life where you just have to let a negative person go.
You’re not obligated to keep people in your life who insult you, talk behind your back, or spread toxicity into every aspect of your life.
Sometimes, you have to accept that the relationship is over and done with.
I know it can be tough to let go of someone you care about.
But constantly allowing that person back into your life will never change how they act around you.
If someone continuously causes you stress, anxiety, and emotional distress, the kindest thing you can do is remove them from your life.
Conclusion
Negativity can creep into your life whether you want it to or not.
If you allow toxic people to fill your every hour of the day, it’ll begin to affect how you view yourself and your life.
But you have the power to change that.
Distance yourself from negative people by recognizing them, setting boundaries, and spending more time around positive people and things you enjoy.
Remember, taking care of your mental well-being isn’t selfish.
You’re allowed to put boundaries up for your peace of mind.
At the end of the day, you only have one life to live.
Don’t waste it stressing over people who prefer to drag you down.
FAQ
How do you deal with negative people without offending them?
You distance yourself. But you can always remain kind and polite while you do it. You don’t have to burn bridges with someone you once cared about by being rude to their face.
Isn’t it bad to avoid negative people?
No. It’s perfectly healthy to want to spend time away from people who bring you down. You are allowed to pick and choose who you spend your time with.
Why do negative people drain your energy?
Negativity stresses you out! The more you hear someone talk down about their life or speak negatively about others, the more you’ll begin to feel depressed or exhausted yourself.
Can negative people change their ways?
Yes. But they have to want to change. You can’t force someone to better themselves. But when someone realizes their behavior is affecting their life negatively, they’ll be more likely to change.
What if they are my family?
You might not be able to cut toxic family members out of your life completely. But you can always avoid spending as much time with them and gently let them know you won’t be participating in negative conversations.
How can I stay positive around negative people?
Don’t let them! Limit your exposure to their negativity by not engaging in their conversations. Focus on building your own positivity by surrounding yourself with things and people that make you happy.
I bolded he didn’t want things to get better, mental health, self-development, boundaries, and remove them from your life as prime candidates for external linking.
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