Look, I’ll never forget talking to my friend a few years ago about how she suspected her partner was cheating. She was frustrated, angry, sad, confused. She looked at me and said, “I just don’t know if he’s being honest with me anymore.”
I get it. Between you and me, I’ve seen this story play out hundreds of times. Over the years, I’ve learned some pretty telltale signs that point to when a man is lying about his romantic involvements.
Before you start scanning through his phone every five minutes, listen…
I’m not trying to make you paranoid about your partner. But I do want you to understand what to look for so that you don’t get blindsided. By nature, cheating isn’t always obvious, and not all men will behave the exact same way when cheating. But most men will fall into many of these patterns of behavior when they’re being disloyal.
Let’s dig in.
10 Things Men Do When They Are Cheating
1. He Suddenly Hides His Phone
Does he suddenly never want to be parted from his cellphone? You know his phone is lovebug central if he:
- Starts deleting messages or calls immediately after receiving them
- Changes passwords and statements like “don’t you trust me?”
- Doesn’t want you around when he’s on his phone
Phones are lifelines these days. Anyone can hide something on a phone. That’s why this isn’t about the phone—it’s about behaviors suddenly changing.
If he was completely transparent about his phone use and now it suddenly changes, that’s your sign.
Read also: 10 Ways People Get Away With Cheating
2. He Starts Pulling Away
Does he still love to spend time with you but has very little interest in anything other than physical affection? Emotional disconnection is a HUGE sign that he’s cheating.
If he used to call you just to talk and now he never does that kind of thing, take notice. When a guy is cheating, he will stop investing emotionally in your relationship.
Granted, this isn’t always on purpose. Oftentimes, cheating causes men to feel guilty, distracted, and emotionally unavailable. But if you point out the change and he just brushes it off, consider that a red flag.
Read also: How to Stop Cheating on Your Husband
3. He Suddenly Gets Defensive
When someone is being honest and faithful, they don’t get bent out of shape by simple questions. If your partner starts snapping at every question about where he’s been or who he’s been talking to, guilt could be a motivating factor.
Does he snap at you when you ask, “Who were you with?” Or maybe he says things like, “You’re always thinking I’m cheating” when you ask innocent questions.
Lying and deflecting through defensiveness is something everyone does once in a while. But if you ask innocent questions and he routinely gets defensive, THAT is something to take note of.
Read also: 10 Ways Real Love Feels Like
4. He Changes The Way He Looks
This sign can go two ways. Some guys will suddenly become more attentive to their appearance, while others will let themselves go when they start cheating.
You’ll know something is up if he suddenly dresses really nice out of nowhere or starts wearing cologne all of a sudden. On the other hand, if he stops taking as much pride in his appearance as he used to, you’ll know something is up.
Again, it’s about consistency. If his appearance changes dramatically and he starts pulling away from you emotionally, THAT is a sign.
5. He Withholds Information About His Plans
A man in love with you won’t hesitate to tell you where he’s going if you ask. But if he gives you reason to ask, he’s probably cheating.
“It was nothing, I was just hanging out with friends,” turns into, “Why do you ask? Do you not trust me?”
Does he suddenly take long outings without telling you where he’s going? It may not be a sign of cheating if he always told you where he was going before and now he suddenly stops. But if he starts being vague about his plans, that is concerning.
6. He Stops Making Love Like He Used To
This is a biggie. Unless he’s physically cheating, cheating will probably affect how much sex you two have. I’m not just talking about the amount of sex.
The reason making love stops when a man cheats is because he simply doesn’t love you like he used to. Guys dump all their love and energy into the person they’re cheating with. So the passion just isn’t there anymore when he’s with you.
Don’t take lack of sex as a hard sign that he’s cheating. But if there’s a noticeable change in the way he makes love to you, THAT is a sign.
7. He Starts Criticizing You Or Comparing
Just because a man cheats doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you anymore. But when guys cheat, they often look for reasons that justify their actions.
Comparing you to other women, picking apart your appearance, or simply finding things that used to “not bother him” suddenly become annoyances.
Does he criticize you or your relationship more than he used to? Again, we’re looking for a change in pattern. If he’s being completely unreasonable, that’s another red flag.
8. He Suddenly Becomes Hard To Reach
I’m guilty of this too. When we’re busy at work or tied up with personal things, sometimes we just don’t reply to our phones like we should.
However, if he used to reply to you within seconds and now he takes hours or days to reply, that’s suspicious. Especially if he seems “busy” all of a sudden when you know he’s not.
Same thing for calls. Does he suddenly take days to call you back? If he was very responsive in the past and now he seems MIA, take note.
9. He Acts Guilty Or Does Everything For You
Does he suddenly buy you things out of nowhere or seem overly nice for no reason? Gut feelings are your friend. If he’s acting crazy nice, he may be feeling guilty.
Men don’t just get overly affectionate for no reason. Whether he’s cheating or not, acting loving suddenly is just human nature to compensate for something.
If he goes from sane to crazy loving overnight, he may be cheating.
10. Friends Start Dropping Subtle Hints
If he cheats and you have mutual friends, chances are they’ll know about it before you do.
Let’s say he cheated with a coworker and you have a mutual friend who works with him. Chances are that friend is going to say something to you.
Now, some friends will try to play both sides and won’t say anything. But most people are good people. If multiple people you know start dropping hints, listen.
Closing
Cheating sucks. But you can avoid the pain of being cheated on by knowing what to look for. Most guys give themselves away by their actions and sudden behavioral changes.
Like I mentioned before, cheating isn’t black and white, and guys aren’t robots. But use your best judgment and know that actions will ALWAYS speak louder than words.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: Aren’t some of these things considered red flags even if he’s being faithful?
A: They can be. Life stresses, work stresses, etc., can play a factor in some of these things. That’s why you have to look for continued behavior versus a one-time instance.
Q: What should I do if I think my man is cheating?
A: Take a deep breath. Talk to him about it calmly and communicate how you feel. Don’t jump straight to accusations.
Q: Can a man love his woman and still cheat on her?
A: Of course, they can. But if he loves you, he won’t cheat.
Q: How do I know if my man is cheating without looking through his phone and stuff?
A: You don’t have to spy on him to confirm cheating. Observing behavior, calmly communicating, and identifying changes in the way he acts around you can confirm whether or not your instincts are correct.
Q: Should I confront him if I think he’s cheating?
A: Once you’ve done your homework and feel like you have a solid grasp on the situation, sure. But don’t confront him without at least having a pretty good idea that he IS cheating.
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