Pulling out the phone and crying into my hand, my friend sobbed over the phone. She had been sleeping with a married man for over a year. The guilt, uncertainty, confusion, disappointment… it was all crashing down around her. All she could do was call me and ask, “Why can’t I just walk away?”
I didn’t know what to say, but one thing was clear as she sat crying in her car: Walking away from a married man is necessary for your happiness, dignity, and sanity.
If you’re here, you’re likely feeling like my friend did. Head knows the relationship is bad news, but your heart won’t let you leave. Whether you’re trapped by lust, fear, hopes that he’ll divorce his wife, or any number of emotions—he’s not going anywhere. Every moment you spend with him is another moment of disrespecting yourself.
10 steps you need to walk away from a married man
1. Accept the Truth
Accepting the truth can be hard. But this guy is married. He already has someone else. Period.
Stop obsessing over his “reasons” or his promises. Block out the sweet nothings he whispers in your ear. He’s married. Stop making excuses for him.
Ask yourself:
- Am I cool with being his dirty little secret?
- Am I cool with losing sleep at night over this?
- Am I cool with barely talking to him because his wife always has to come first?
Accepting the truth is step one to walking away. As long as you allow yourself to believe that he’ll leave her, change his mind about her, or make the relationship work with you—you’ll continue doing whatever it takes to stay with him. And that, my friend, decreases your worth.
ACTION STEP: Write down hard truths about your relationship that you know deep down are true. Refer back to this list whenever you feel tempted to believe his lies.
Read also: How to Walk Away From a Toxic Marriage: 10 Steps
2. Stop Making Excuses
Oh, how easy it is to sit here and think of all the good times. Remember that time we laughed so hard we cried? What about that movie we saw and fought over nothing?
Stop looking at these isolated moments and focus on the negative experiences.
Make a list of every moment he:
- broke his promises
- stood you up
- lied to you
- ghosted you
- said something that made you question your relationship
Write down every emotionally draining conversation you’ve had with him. Once you look at this list versus the “good moments,” your brain will start recognizing unhealthy patterns instead of making excuses.
ACTION STEP: Each time you find yourself reminiscing over “the good times,” open up a journal and write down how being with a married man makes you feel. Before long, your brain will associate these negative feelings with him.
Read also: How to Walk Away From a Relationship (10 Steps)
3. Set Boundaries
Relationship boundaries are important. If you want to walk away, you need to build a wall he cannot climb over.
Examples of some solid boundaries include:
- Blocking his number
- No more hanging out
- Don’t go to any events knowing he’ll be there
- Never talk about your relationship
Relationship boundaries allow you to create space between you and your emotions. They will feel extreme and perhaps even unfair, but this person does not care about your mental health right now.
Say to yourself every day:
He will not disrespect me or my decisions. My peace of mind is non-negotiable.
Repeat this every time you feel weak.
4. Cut Him Off
There’s a reason we tell people to cut off an alcoholic from their booze: it keeps them from drinking. Relationships work the same way.
Stop calling him. Stop texting him. Don’t even like his Instagram posts.
I know, I know. It’ll suck. You’ll feel lonely, sad, upset, anxious…but that’s normal. With every text you read or message you reply to, you are prolonging the healing process.
ACTION STEP: Delete his number. Mute him on social media. Next time you’re about to text him, write down why your relationship is toxic instead.
5. Find People Who Support You
Okay, ripping your emotions away from the person you like isn’t easy. You need people around you that can help pick you up when you fall.
Seek out friends or family members that you trust and know will support your decision to leave. Don’t worry about people that will judge you or make you feel guilty about your choice—those people will only drain you.
Instead, focus on people that will build you up, remind you how amazing you are, and ENCOURAGE you to never go back!
REAL LIFE TIP: I had a friend who would FaceTime her best friend anytime she felt weak. Her best friend would calmly remind her why she was leaving this man and congratulate her on every day she went without talking to him.
It worked.
Proven fact: Surrounding yourself with supportive people will make you stronger.
6. Build Your Self-Worth
Girl, being with a married man will suck your confidence right out of you if you let it. He makes you question your worth at every turn.
I love you more than she does.
If you really loved me, you would…
I can change him.
Stop. Let’s repeat after me:
I am worthy of love, happiness, and respect.
Building your self-worth starts with reminding yourself you are worthy every single day. You deserve the best! Here are some other ways to stay confident:
- Exercise! Get some endorphins flowing and you’ll feel like a badass.
- Start a new hobby or finish a project you’ve been putting off.
- Set goals for yourself at work or home.
Feel good about yourself and he will have NO CONTROL over your emotions.
7. Eliminate All Triggers
Triggers are everywhere when you first start cutting someone off. Pictures, gifts, text conversations, Instagram… anything that reminds you of him.
Dumpster dive through your memory and throw away anything that triggers emotions related to your relationship.
Create a safe space for yourself. Rearrange your furniture or even take a social media break! Get rid of anything in your home that reminds you of him.
Not sure if something is a trigger? ASK YOURSELF: Will looking at this/item/reminding myself of this moment make me think of him?
If the answer is yes, THROW IT OUT.
ACTION STEP: When you reach for his social media or remember his phone number, distract yourself. Start a hobby, call a friend, or take a walk instead.
8. Stay Busy
Believe it or not, some people stay with married men because they’re plain bored otherwise. Life is dull. A cheating boyfriend is spicy…
Throw away the boring life and find something to stay BUSY.
Start learning a new skill. Travel to somewhere you’ve never been (even if it’s just a nearby city). Join clubs or activities to meet new people!
When you have a fun, exciting life, you won’t need a cheating boyfriend to feel complete.
9. Feel the Pain
This step is no fun, but you must allow yourself to feel whatever emotions come your way.
Guilt? Sadness? Anger? Obsessive thoughts? Allow yourself to feel these emotions, but don’t dwell on them. Journal about it. See a therapist. Talk to trusted friends.
Whatever you do, don’t ignore your emotions and give in to temptation to contact him.
ACTION STEP: Give yourself some time to grieve the relationship. Allow yourself to feel sad, empty, or lost for a couple of weeks. But don’t overdo it. Set a time limit to your mourning period and stick to it.
10. Never Go Back!
There you have it—the ultimate list to walk away from a married man. These steps cover everything you need to cut off all emotional ties and be strong.
But as with every relationship, the final step you MUST take is to promise yourself you will NEVER go back!
Remind yourself:
I deserve honesty, integrity, and loyalty. I will NOT stay with someone who cannot provide that for me.
Say it in your head, write it down, or scream it in front of the mirror. Whatever it takes to help you internalize that you will NEVER go back to him!
Conclusion
Walking away from someone you care about is never easy. But what’s easy isn’t always best for us. Sometimes we need to walk away to remind ourselves of how strong we really are.
Staying with a married man will tear you down—piece by piece. Every time you see him, you accept less than you deserve. By walking away, setting boundaries, blocking his number, and cutting off all communication, you’re putting YOURSELF first.
You deserve honesty, love, and a chance to find someone who will do the same for you.
Love should never hurt you emotionally or cause you to question your worth. I hope these steps don’t just help you walk away, but learn to LOVE YOURSELF enough to know you don’t need that kind of chaos in your life.
You’re better off single.
FAQ
Q: How do I stop thinking about him?
A: Focus on yourself. Spend time with friends that make you happy. Stay busy! Remove triggers and journal or see a therapist if you struggle with obsessive thoughts.
Q: Will walking away be easy?
A: Heck no, it’ll be the hardest thing you’ll ever do. But every time you take steps towards independence, you gain more confidence and control over your life.
Q: Can we still be friends after we break up?
A: Most likely not. You two won’t be able to genuinely be friends without getting dragged back into emotions. You’ll have to cut him off completely.
Q: How do I get over feeling guilty?
A: Guilt is normal to feel, but completely unnecessary. You can’t control his marriage, only your decisions. Do what’s best for YOU and don’t feel guilty about it.
Q: Should I talk to a therapist?
A: Yes! Talking to a professional can help you work through emotions, gain confidence, and prevent you from falling into the same patterns with other partners.
Q: What happens if I start feeling weak?
A: Remind yourself every day why you’re walking away. Seek out the people in your life that support you. Continue to focus on building your confidence.
Q: How long will this take?
A: Everyone is different. Some people feel better after a few weeks, others can take months. As long as you’re taking steps towards your freedom—you’re doing great!
Q: Can I date other people while I’m healing?
A: Only if you’re emotionally ready. If you jump into another relationship too fast, you’ll find yourself feeling attached again, which delays the healing process even more.
Q: I’m going to be so lonely without him.
A: You won’t be. Focus on things that make you happy. Spend time with friends. Fill your life with positivity, and soon enough you won’t even think about him!
Q: How do I forgive myself for cheating?
A: Everyone makes mistakes. Forgive yourself by learning from this relationship and knowing that you grew to realize you deserved better.
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